Just Like The Shows
The one where they overanalyze sitcoms
I opened the window next to my desk and looked out across the alleyway to the neighboring building. It was 7:36 AM and I was starting my day, as was my neighbor in the building across. We don’t live in the same building, nor did we know each other, but every morning we open our windows and sing to each other - “Morning’s here. Sunshine is here. The sky is clear. The morning’s here”. Wait, never mind, that’s what happened in Friends. But it is, somewhat, what I expected to experience when moving into a New York City apartment building.
That’s on me though, because I based my expectation off of Friends. Much like any other out of towner, I watched classic NYC sitcoms and based my view of living in the city off of those shows. Us out of towners eventually figure it out, the city isn’t like the TV shows, in some ways, and is in others.
“I’m walking here!” the classical belief that the people of NYC are rude. Well, they are. If you’re blocking the path or narrowly missing the jaywalker as you bike, they’ll yell out at you. If you’re lost and need directions or need help crossing the street, they’ll graciously help you. NYC people can be “rude” or brut in their way of talking to you, but they’re kind and thoughtful with the actions they do for you. A personal example: I went to the Spectrum store to pick up my router. At the store they asked me for my credit card number, and as a true technologist, all I had was Apple Pay. But Apple Pay doesn't provide the card number. I was screwed, I needed to go back home and get my physical credit card. To my luck, the elderly lady who was assisting me at the store knew a way to get the card number without the physical card. So she explained the laborious process of calling the company, saying specific things, and then getting your card number. All while scolding me about how I was so dumb to leave the house without my credit card. At the end I got my router, a good scolding, and tech support from a senior.
Central Perk, McLaren’s Pub, a local establishment where you can become a regular - meet your friends, make new friends, and chill out in the chaotic city - is a centerpiece of the classic NYC shows. Living in NYC would be awful if you only stayed in your small, occasionally well lit, apartment. So a “third place” isn’t only nice to have, I’d deem it necessary. Yet, at least in my first year in NYC, I have struggled to find a “third place”. There are a few cafes which I am a regular at, I know the staff, I have regular order, and I have the WiFi password memorized. Being a regular is really fun, especially at local establishments, you get treated like a member of the family and occasionally get free stuff. Yet, none of them are my “third place”. I think there are great “third places” in NYC but they’re definitely not as easy to come by as it seems in the shows.
The sitcoms all revolve around a group of friends that do nearly everything together. This is obviously a function of the show, but it also lead me to the belief that “core” friend groups were common in NYC. In the Bay Area, where I used to live, core friend groups are the norm. When one person from the group is invited to a party, it’s common to ask “Can I bring my group?”. I have found this not to be the case in current day NYC. I specify current day because I wonder if maybe the lack of core groups is a function of the technology use coupled with a city that has endless possibilities. Nonetheless, I’ve found the norm in NYC to be much more individualistic. You have multiple varied friend groups that you see often, yet not no true core group.
If you’re moving to NYC or live in NYC, watch the sitcoms, they’re great television. Dream about the city as portrayed in the shows. Live the NYC life vicariously through the characters. When you come to NYC though, expect to be surprised. The city is much like the show portrays it, but in many deeper cultural ways it’s very different. Experience those differences and see that maybe the real NYC is better than the shows, maybe it’s worse. Really depends on how much you like rats.
- Ajay
Well written.